


Kodokuna kokoro

by Wish_ika



Category: Haikyuu!!, haikyuu
Genre: Angst, First Love, Five Stages of Grief, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Karasuno, Karasuno Family, M/M, Morning Cuddles, Sleepy Cuddles, Team Bonding, Volleyball, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:27:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26812129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wish_ika/pseuds/Wish_ika
Summary: Kageyama knows that he loves Hinata. He would die for Hinata. The day the orange haired teen fought him on the court changed the game. And it doesn't stop changing.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	Kodokuna kokoro

**Author's Note:**

> This is too angsty for it's own good. Sorry in advance. I suggest that if you want a playlist that matches this fic, sad/love songs :( on spotify is just the thing. The title of the fic means lonely heart or childish heart in Japanese

Tobio Kageyama paces across the court, shoes squeaking against the polished floor. The ball he holds feels heavier than it usually would, and he clutches it, walking to behind the line of the empty court. He tosses the ball in the air, once, twice, thrice. His breaths turn uneven and he tosses the ball up again, jumping and completing the serve. It’s lower than it would usually be. It hits the net dead on, falling to the court. The hollow thuds of it bouncing away match Kageyama’s heartbeat. He strides forwards and picks up the ball, hitting it against the court and walking to the serve line. The boy with the orange hair and deep brown eyes. Staring at him from the other side of the net. Swearing to stay on the court for longer than he could.

~

“Nice serve Hinata!” Tanaka yells from beside Kageyama. The practise match was going well, Hinata perfecting the quick against older opponents. Kageyama turns his back, pushing down the smile that forms as he thinks of the absolute trust there, the willingness to leap blindly and know that the ball will come to him. His opponent on the other side of the net suddenly jumps backwards. He furrows his brow and goes to turn to ask Tanaka what happened when the ball, hit by the full force of Hinata’s horrible serve, smacks into the back of his head. Ow. His thoughts go fuzzy, pain slipping into the carefully planned toss he was going to give to Tanaka. The ball bounces away behind him, little thuds matching his leaping heartbeat.  
“Kageyama! Sorry!” Hinata runs forward, past Tanaka and Asahi, both trying and failing to hide the grins forming on their faces. The sideline is making no such effort, Nishinoya laughing like a banshee next to Tsukishima, who has an unusual smile on his face. Sugawara has a supressed smile, trying not to laugh at the misfortune of his fellow setter. Hinata stops behind him, shoes sliding on the court. Kageyama turns to face him, blinking his eyes and fixing a stern expression on.  
“Are your serves naturally horrible? Or are you trying to hit me? This is why we lose games! Because you can’t serve properly!” He spits out the words, rubbing at the sore spot on the back of his head. Hinata’s normally bubbly expression fades, eyes going wide with something that looks an awful lot like panic. Shit. He didn’t mean those words completely. Hinata’s serves would be good if they actually made it over the net.  
“Sorry.” Hinata murmurs, tears beginning to form in his big brown eyes. Damn. This dumbass with the gorgeous eyes and fragile emotions. Damn him.  
“Kageyama! Don’t mind!” Suga yells from the sidelines, shaking his hands in an attempt to get him to shut up. Suga has a point. The game comes before anger.  
“Hit Tanaka next time. It might shut him up.” Asahi whispers to the small boy, who nods, sniffing and wiping his eyes.  
“Yes Asahi-san. Sorry.”  
“Don’t mind Hinata.” Asahi ruffles Hinata’s naturally fluffy hair, causing the boy to squeak in annoyance and flatten the spiky orange strands. Kageyama hears the sound of a ball bouncing from the other end and turns, getting ready in his position. 

~

The ball smacks against the net again and again, frustration building up in Kageyama’s mind, drowning out every other thought. For every ball that doesn’t make it over, he just grabs another one and hits again, trying to suffocate the hurt in his heart and head. The tears blurring in his eyes cloud the net and he blinks them away, grabbing another ball and jumping again. 

“Good match. However, we are not doing that well on serves anymore.” Coach Ukai paces in front of them, ignoring the way many of them are slumped against the bench or each other, clutching water bottles and towels. “We just managed to win that one. But we need to get everyone on our team to the same level in terms of serves. Hinata…” The boy looks up from where he almost lies on Nishinoya.  
“Yeah?” He asks, eyebrows crinkling as concern forms on his face.  
“Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble. It’s just that your serves are a little bit…. unpredictable. Especially during matches. We have to get you doing more consistent serves. So, I am going to get you to train with someone who can show you how to do a proper serve.” Ukai scans the assembled team, eyes flicking over the options. Kageyama crosses his fingers behind his back, hoping madly that he won’t get chosen. “Kageyama. Since you were so quick to insult Hinata’s serves today, perhaps you would like to train him.” Shit. Everyone’s eyes are on him now, and he glances at Hinata out of the corner of his eye. To his surprise, Hinata doesn’t look upset about training with him. He looks almost excited. A little butterfly takes flight in Kageyama’s stomach and he forces it down.  
“Uh. Sure?” He replies, tilting his head.  
“Great. Tomorrow morning. 6 am sharp. I expect to see results.” Ukai nods at the team. “Good practise everyone. Go home and get some sleep.”

~

Hinata’s serve, it must be his fiftieth attempt by now, hits the net dead on.  
“How many times do I have to tell you dumbass? You’re not hitting it right!” Kageyama snaps at him from where he sits, back against the wall.  
“Well maybe if you would get off your ass and show me, I could actually do it!” Hinata shouts back, attempting another serve. It doesn’t even hit the net this time, just goes under it.  
“Hit it with the heel of your hand! Not the fingers!” he stands up and storms over to the shorter boy, grabbing his hand and pulling it open. “Don’t hit with the fingers! Hit with this bit!” His fingers tap Hinata’s palm lightly, feeling the warmth of his skin. “Feel that? That is where you want to…” Kageyama looks down, expecting to see tears forming or anger in Hinata’s expression. Instead his cheeks are slightly flushed with a soft red, lips open and eyes staring straight into Kageyama’s. It throws him off his rhythm, faltering mid-sentence. A little feeling forms in his chest, glowing like a light. Hinata tilts his head slightly, heart racing. “Just get it right this time.” Kageyama says half-heartedly, turning on his heel and dropping Hinata’s hand, almost running away. His heart pounds in his chest, a little beacon sending warmth through his body. A cheer comes from behind him and he sees Hinata, leaping up and down on the spot yelling like a mad man.  
“Kageyama! I got it! I got it over the net! On my first try!” He screeches, stopping his leap and sprinting for Kageyama. The short orange boy is always surprisingly fast and Kageyama attempts to dive out of the way. Hinata’s leap turns into a high five in mid-air, only to go flying forwards and straight into Kageyama, who was unprepared to be jumped and falls over, smacking onto the floor. Hinata lands on him, big eyes blinking with shock. Unstoppable object meets falling setter.  
“Oh Daichi! Looks like our first years are getting a bit friendly.” Tanaka walks through the door of the gym, Daichi not too far behind him. “I’m so proud, honestly.” He mocks them as he drops his bags and grabs out his volleyball shoes. Kageyama glances at Hinata, who almost seems content to lie on his chest, stray rays of the morning sun dancing over his hair.  
“Hinata?”  
“Yes?”  
“For someone who jumps a lot, you’re surprisingly heavy. Get off. Now.” Kageyama wheezes, trying to suck any remaining air into his lungs.  
“Sorry!” Hinata springs off him and offers a hand to his teammate. Kageyama wants to take it, he really does, but if Hinata attempts to lift him, he’s just going to fall over again.  
“Let him help you Kageyama. Volleyball isn’t a single player sport you know.” Daichi chimes in, tying his shoes up. Fine. If the Capitan is going to order him, he might as well. He reaches up and grasps Hinata’s hand, letting the small boy attempt to yank him up. He, unsurprisingly, fails and pulls backwards with all his might. Kageyama just lies there, laughing internally at the way the dumbass is leaning backwards, almost parallel to the floor. He turns his head, looking over at Tanaka and Daichi. Tanaka has a hand over his mouth, but his shoulder are shaking up and down as he laughs, Daichi leaning on him and grinning like a maniac. The Capitan observes Hinata’s tightly closed eyes and raises an eyebrow at Kageyama, lifting a hand slightly. Kageyama nods as best he can, pushing himself off the floor. Hinata falls backwards, landing with a thud on his back on the court. Tanaka’s wheezing laughs from the side turn into fully fledged cackles. Kageyama is yanked forward and down by Hinata’s hand, still squeezing his hand tightly. He falls onto Hinata, landing on an awkward angle on top of the small boy. Hinata stills under him, long lashes blinking as he stares up at him.  
“Who killed the first years?” Suga yells, slamming the door open and storming in. His expression switches from worry to annoyance as he takes in the scene. “Who killed them? I’m not mad, I just want to know.” Both Tanaka and Daichi raise their hands, painting their face with expressions of innocence.  
“It wasn’t us! They killed each other! I swear!” Daichi yells, pointing at the pair on the floor.  
“Ooh. Getting a bit frisky there?” Nishinoya darts in, shoving the door closed behind him and pulling out a phone to snap a photo of the pair.  
“Shut up Nishinoya.” Kageyama snaps, glaring at the second year as he pushes himself off Hinata.  
“Yeah. Shut up Noya.” Hinata pipes up, trying to rearrange his face into a glare. “Kageyama was just teaching me how to serve properly. I tried to high five him. It was an accident.” Kageyama turns away from Hinata, a little tint of red rising to his cheeks as he listens to his teammate ramble.  
“And can you serve now?” Suga picks up a ball and tosses it to the prone child.  
“I think so.” Hinata bounces to his feet and runs to the serving line, jumping up and down on his tip toes as he warms up to serve. He tosses the ball and jumps, slamming it with all his might over the net. It nearly slams into the floor on the other side, but Nishinoya, damn him, slides in and digs it up, saving what would have been a perfect serve. “Nishinoya!” Hinata shrieks, diving under the net and tackling his teammate. “That was my best one!” He screeches, rolling over Nishinoya. Kageyama closes his eyes and sighs in exasperation. Of course, the second he teaches him to serve, the little spiker just had to go do something stupid. The red still staining his cheeks betrays him, causing him to slam down an iron wall around his heart. It’s nice to have friends. To trust someone completely. 

!

Kageyama lies backwards on the couch in the first year’s area, textbooks and paper scattered on the table next to him, eyes closed. His phone chimes on the table, an alarm ringing. His nap is over.  
“Shit. I hate exams. And study. I hate study.” He mutters, pushing the floppy black hair that falls in his eyes as he slowly sits up.  
“Shove over.” A sleepy voice whispers from next to his feet, just off the edge of the couch. Hinata, orange hair drooping in his face, expression unnaturally calm and sleepy for the first year, is collapsed on the ground, eyes cloudy and blurred. It snaps Kageyama fully awake and he snaps up, blinking away the sleep forming in the corners of his eyes.  
“Hinata? What are you doing here?”  
“Studying. I was studying. And there wasn’t anywhere to sit. I tried to move your legs out of the way and you kicked me.” He says, voice drained of energy as he shows the reddened patch on his cheek. Oh. Hinata must hate him.  
“Sorry.” Kageyama whispers back, lifting his legs off the couch and sitting upright. “Sit down Hinata. You look like you’re about to collapse.” Hinata nods, swaying slightly as he goes to sit down. His legs slide out and he falls forwards, going straight for the table that has all of his notes on it. Shit. He leaps up, grabbing Hinata’s shoulders and stopping him before his head collides with the table. The small boy is surprisingly heavy and Kageyama falls backwards, landing on the couch. Hinata clings to him, fast asleep. Hell. How long had he been awake for? Kageyama lands on his back, arms wrapped around the dumbass, stopping the boy from sliding off the couch. “Hinata? Are you OK?” He asks softly, brushing Hinata’s hair off his face. Hinata doesn’t respond immediately, letting out a little sigh of air and curling into his teammate, head hitting Kageyama’s chest. He snuggles up, letting out little huffs of air with his soft breaths. The breaths send strands of Kageyama’s dark hair floating up. He tries to push off Hinata, slide him onto the couch beside him so he can sit up and study properly. He can’t fail this test. And Hinata is heavier than he looks. But Hinata doesn’t budge, just curls up like a cat on his chest. Damn. He can’t move Hinata, especially when he’s actually getting some sleep for once in a lifetime. He reaches over Hinata, grabbing a page of notes and balancing it on Hinata’s fluffy hair, pressing it down in an attempt to make the notes sit flat. Might as well make the best solution of a bad situation. 

~

When Yamaguchi and Tsukishima pass through later from their study session, Kageyama is asleep, Hinata curled up on his chest. A little sigh escapes Hinata’s open mouth as he rests his head on Kageyama’s shoulder, Kageyama leaning his head on the side of Hinata’s, black and orange hair mixed together. Kageyama’s chest moves up and down with his slight breaths, ruffling Hinata’s hair and the stack of study paper with his messy scrawl on them. Yamaguchi nudges Tsukishima’s shoulder with his, tilting his head at the pair.  
“Looks like Kageyama and Hinata are finally getting along.” He says, grinning at the sight. Tsukishima inclines his head, staring at them thorough his glasses.  
“How disgustingly cute.” Tsukishima steps past the couch, pulling on their interlocked hands and trying to tug Yamaguchi away. Yamaguchi picks his phone out of his pocket and takes a photo of the cuddling pair, snatching the notes off of Hinata’s head.  
“I think they look sweet. That’s better. Plus, you know how Hinata never sleeps until he feels safe. It will do him well.” He says decisively, stepping back and looking at the cute pair. Tsukishima lets out a snort at the way his friend stares adoringly at their teammates, tugging on their joined hands again.  
“Come on Yamaguchi.”  
“Coming Tsuki!”

~

The next game they play has Hinata leaping around at ridiculous heights like a bouncy ball. Every time Kageyama does a toss to him and he slams it down he bounces around, high fiving everyone. Or does some crazy sounding scream. But that doesn’t stop the blush that shows up on his cheeks whenever Hinata lands from a perfect spike, hair ruffled and eyes gleaming. Hooked on volleyball. The whistle blows and their opponent, some fancy school that demanded that they have a match, serves the ball. Nishinoya does a perfect receive. Damn it. Sometimes a missed receive might calm him down for a grand total od two minutes.  
“Sorry! Kageyama cover!” The call goes up and Kageyama positions himself to toss the ball. Asahi is behind him; Tanaka is on his left. Hinata is moving from behind him on the right to the far left, dragging their wall of blockers with him. He looks trapped and cornered, being closed down so efficiently. Kageyama can’t toss it to Tanaka, he would face the wall that Hinata just moved. Asahi has the power, but he’s injured, two of his fingers on his spiking hand are jarred. He could try another setter dump, but risk being shut down by a wall of arms. It has to be Hinata. He’s the only one he actually trusts to get it over. He tosses to the right and Hinata, seeing it coming, turns on his heel and sprints for it, going to jump. He steps too far, his ankle rolling as he hits the ground and falls over himself again and again. The court goes silent and the ball hits the net, falling onto the other side before bouncing away. Kageyama’s heart falters. His toss caused Hinata to hurt himself to try and get it. Hinata sits up, wincing slightly as Kageyama races to him.  
“I’m sorry. I failed to hit the toss. Please toss to me again.” The words pour out of Hinata’s mouth. That’s what he’s worried about? He just flipped himself to the ground because he couldn’t reach a toss that was way too fast.  
“It was a shitty toss. Should have let it go out dumbass. Let’s get you off the court.” Kageyama reaches down and tries to pull Hinata to his feet. Hinata tries to shove his hands away and leap up, only for his face to go pale and him to slump forward, ready to do yet another faceplant. Kageyama grabs his shoulders and picks him up, holding his legs over one hand. He walks them off the court, straight to the bench, dropping the dumbass onto the bench in front of Suga, who already has bandages and medicine.  
“Take this Hinata.” Suga’s voice is strained, worry for one of the younger members. Hinata doesn’t even attempt to put up a fight, just swallows the pill. “It might make him say some crazy things, but it will effectively stop the pain.”  
“Thanks Suga.” Kageyama bows slightly, watching Hinata’s eyelids droop down.  
“Is the moon made of pears? What about the sun? Is it tangerines?” He asks, tone completely serious. Suga sighs and tugs his shoe off.  
“Better get back on the court. Say thank you to Kageyama for bringing you here.”  
“Thanks Kageyama. Love you.” Hinata’s words are slurred and Kageyama’s heart stops yet again. What? Suga had said that the drug might make him say some crazy things, but that? Forget it. He walks back on the court, fighting the urge to smile and bounce up and down. The ball gets served over and Tanaka digs it up, sending it straight to Kageyama. He wants to pass it to Hinata, but he won’t be there. He doesn’t know who to go to. Hinata’s the only one he feels secure with. And yet Hinata just said that he loved him. What was that all about? It’s not like they were ever going to love each other. He must have meant it platonically. Afterall, there was so much competition and sarcasm and stupid nicknames and quarrels over noting and annoyingness. Yet Hinata still found time to lie on him and sleep for 3 hours. Kageyama holds back the grin at that memory. Wait a minute… Hinata said he loved him. Hinata loved him. Does that mean he actually loves him? Kageyama can’t say the same. Just that he trusts him completely with his life and his soul and his heart. Wait. Oh shit. He does love him.  
“Kageyama!” Tanaka’s shout cuts through the realisation as the ball comes down directly on Kageyama’s head. Asahi and Daichi race forward, prodding him off the court.  
“Sit down. Guilt is making you hesitate. Suga will play, you just need to baby sit Hinata.” Their hands push him onto the bench and he sits down, Hinata immediately falling on him.  
“Hi. I’m on drugs. Drugs make your brain fuzzy. My eyes feel fuzzy. Are they fuzzy?”  
“Shut up dumbass.”

~

Hinata sits on the table in Kageyama’s dorm, legs crossed with a bowl of cereal in his hands. He stares attentively at the volleyball game on the TV, ignoring the soft footsteps on the floor behind him and the hands that snake around his waist. The kiss pressed to the top of his hair gets his attention and he glances upwards into the smiling face of his boyfriend.  
“Hi.” Kageyama murmurs, dropping his head onto Hinata’s, eyes focusing on the game. The next toss done by a setter goes low and they have to dig it to send it over. The cries of don’t mind sink into Kageyama’s mind and he hugs Hinata tighter. “That toss was way too low.”  
“I know. And that’s why I only want you to toss for me. Because you never let me down. Ever.” Hinata whispers back, turning his head and pressing a kiss to Kageyama’s cheek.  
“I won’t ever let you down dumbass. I love you.” The sunlight coming through the window hits the pair, illuminating the grin on Kageyama’s face as he says the words, embracing his boyfriend with all his might.  
“Love you too.” Hinata curls back into his boyfriend, kissing him gently on the lips as he sits on the counter. 

~

The practise goes late. Kageyama can hear his phone chiming in his bag, but every time he attempts to answer it Coach just yells at him. Volleyball is now. Everything else is later. He tosses the ball again. The other spikers don’t move like Hinata, never could. Hinata has this lightness about him, a willingness to leave everything else on the ground and jump until he reaches the sky. No one could match or replace Hinata and his ability. No one could ever replace Hinata. His trip to Brazil would be over soon, then Kageyama could embrace his boyfriend and kiss him until he felt better.  
“Left!” His wing spiker leaps up and Kageyama tosses the ball directly into his palm. The spiker tries to control the ball, hit it his own way. He doesn’t have the blind trust that Hinata has. The trust that keeps them together even when they’re separated by hundreds of kilometres.  
“Kageyama Tobio!” His coach snaps, gesturing him over. Kageyama nods to the other setter, letting them take the court. The Coach stands there, tapping his foot impatiently.  
“Yes Sir?”  
“Go answer that damn phone. Whoever has been ringing you for the last three hours flat better have a good reason for distracting my best setter.” Kageyama nods and steps off the court, opening up his bag and pulling out his phone. The lock screen is him and Hinata lying on the couch together. That may have been in second year, ages ago. But this was before they confessed and realised that they loved each other. Hinata has the cutest expression possible on his snoozing face. He looks so at peace. Kageyama unlocks the phone, typing in the password, Hinsho. Hinata Shouyou. The calls on his phone have piled up and he recognises Oikawa’s number. Strange. His trip with Hinata and a few others to go play beach volleyball shouldn’t have his old senpai calling him. He opens up Hinata’s number and reads the messages.

Dumbass Tangerine  
DT: About to go down to beach with Oikawa  
DT: How’s training  
DT: I miss you  
DT: Not long until I fly home to you

Nothing unusual. He looks at the call records. A facetime request from Hinata. And seven missed calls from Oikawa. He calls Oikawa’s number, waiting for his senpai to pick up.  
“Kageyama?” Oikawa’s usually cocky voice is broken, cracking in the middle of a sentence.  
“Oikawa. Why are you calling me? I’m at practise!” Kageyama snaps, ready to hang up.  
“Kageyama…. He’s gone.” Oikawa sobs. Kageyama’s heart stops mid beat, faltering at the implications of those words.  
“What? Who’s gone where?”  
“He’s gone. Hinata.” Oikawa’s voice trembles.  
“Gone where? Back to Japan?”  
“He’s dead Kageyama. I’m so sorry.” He can’t be right. His Hinata wouldn’t leave him. He wouldn’t. The room goes still around him and he collapses onto the bench, the phone dropping onto the tiled floor with a thud. The bottom corner of the screen shatters, little webs appearing in the glass. No. Hinata? Gone? Oikawa must be lying to him.  
“Kageyama? Are you there?” Oikawa’s voice goes fuzzy as all the colour and sound drains from Kageyama’s world. No. He can’t be gone. The phone next to his feet beeps and he picks it up, finding Oikawa.  
“He can’t be dead. I spoke to him this morning. He texted me less than an hour ago. Why are you lying to me Oikawa?” Kageyama can hear the laboured breat that Oikawa takes, sniffing away the tears.  
“I’m not lying. He’s dead. Truly dead. I’m sorry. I know how much he means to you.” Kageyama wants to scream and beg but he just collapses, hitting the tiled floor. Hinata. His Hinata. Gone.

~

The funeral is crowded, everyone turning out to see Hinata be lowered to the ground for the last time. Kageyama stands away from the crowd, rain sliding off his umbrella as he watches the coffin lower into the grave. All of Karasuno is there, crying softly as they mourn Hinata. Almost all of them hadn’t stopped crying since they heard the news. Nishinoya had yelled at Oikawa over the phone when he told them. The rest of them had been heartbroken that the little bundle of orange who brought joy and hope to a failing team had died and they hadn’t been able to say goodbye. They were all staying at a nearby hotel as a group. Kageyama hadn’t been invited to join them. Hinata’s family is there, red stained faces staring into the grave. Natsu is crying softly, arms wrapped around her parents.2 Oikawa, Kuroo, Kenema, Bokuto and a few others who Kageyama just can’t remember their names, but knows that Hinata loved being around them, stand on the other side, a little huddle of black umbrellas. That’s all they are. Umbrellas in the rain. Mourning the one person who Kageyama could ever love. The dirt filling up the grave fills up Kageyama’s throat and he chokes, fighting back a sob. Footsteps join him, cutting through the silence that envelops him.  
“Kageyama. I am so sorry.” Oikawa stands beside him, tears staining his hollow cheeks. Dark circles line under his eyes, the sudden shift from Brazil to Japan plus mourning costing him sleep. Kageyama forces down another sob, keeping his face straight. “He jumped in front of me. I couldn’t stop him. The car was faster than he was. The driver was drunk. He was trying to save me. I didn’t notice it. He was always faster than any of us. I shouldn’t be here.” His voice cracks and a tear rolls down one cheek, soaking into his already blotchy skin. He’s right. He shouldn’t be here.  
“You shouldn’t be here.” Kageyama gets the words out, feeling like he’s being strangled. “You should be dead. Hinata should be here. You shouldn’t be alive. Hinata died saving you because you weren’t fast enough to get out of the way of a car. Look at you. The Capitan of Seijoh. A useless person. You think that you can apologise? You should be dead. Hinata should be here with me. At your funeral.” His words snap through the air. Oikawa’s eyes go wide, tears slipping free. “I wish you were dead. Because then Hinata would be here. My Hinata.” Oikawa steps away, pain creasing his face as Kageyama turns to him, face stiff and angry. “Oikawa Toru. I used to look up to you. But now the love of my life is dead because of you. Leave.” He snaps, glaring at his former friend. Oikawa turns to leave, tears flooding down his cheeks as he sobs.  
“I cared for him too. You’re not the only one who lost someone Kageyama. You think I don’t wish that he let me die instead? That he just let the car hit me? But he jumped in front of me because he always wanted to protect people. I thought you would know that more than anyone.” The words cut deep, slicing through Kageyama’s strong mask. His face twitches, tears welling.  
“Leave.” Oikawa doesn’t argue. He just turns and walks away, Iwaizumi waiting for him under a tree, water pouring down his face. 

Kageyama hits the serve again, remembering those serving practises with Hinata. Remembering the cuddles on couches. Sleeping on each other. Walking off the court after doing the best quick attack, eyes closed in perfect trust and sync. The ball hits the floor again and again, every ball hitting air. Hinata hadn’t felt anything. Had jumped in front of a car to protect Oikawa and his friends without hesitation. Pronounced dead on arrival to hospital. Kageyama hadn’t even been able to see him. To let him know that he meant everything to him. That he would die a thousand times to live with him. To protect him. He moves around the court, picking up each ball and throwing it back into the bin. The rooms are open and he strides inside, stripping off his sweaty and dirty volleyball practise clothes. The lock screen of his phone hits him like a slap to the face, Hinata and him. Happy. Never to see Hinata ever again. Forever alone. He opens the phone book and types in Hinata’s number, calling it without a second thought. Hoping, praying that Hinata will answer it and tell him about a day on the sand, playing all the volleyball he could ever want to play. Reassure Kageyama that the setters couldn’t do a toss like he could, couldn’t sync with him ever. The phone beeps and Hinata’s happy voice fills it.  
“Hi! This is Shouyou Hinata. If I can’t answer the phone right now, I’m probably busy with volleyball or I’m with the love of my life! Thanks for calling! Leave me a message!” The little beep cuts in after his ecstatic voice, silence falling. He needs to say something.  
“This is Tobio Kageyama. The love of your life. I miss you. I wish I had been there to protect you. To say goodbye. To kiss you one last time. You made your choice. There will never be anyone like you. Anyone I can toss to who can do what you could. I…” Kageyama’s voice cracks and he rubs at his face, feeling the pressure building. “I wish you were here with me. For one last game of volleyball. I love you Hinata. I always have and I always will.” He whispers the last part, struggling to get air into his lungs. The first tear slides down his cheek and he bows his head.

Hinata never kept the promise. Kageyama was left alone on the court

**Author's Note:**

> I stayed up late writing this and cried while writing and editing it and made my checker reader cry as well. Thanks for reading


End file.
